he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
