Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Randomize
