just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize