...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
