Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Randomize
