Someone shit on the floor
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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