Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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