Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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