Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
