You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize