And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
