In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
