remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Randomize
