So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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