he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
