I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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