you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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