I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
