i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Randomize
