I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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