im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I know her cup size but not her name....
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
