Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
