my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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