Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
