I heard we made out
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
My ATM looks so different sober.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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