Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
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