based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Why can't burritos get me drunk
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
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