yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
