some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
