is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
