i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
