the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
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