but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
