I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
