Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
