Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
