When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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