Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
