um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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