I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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