..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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