My Higher Power is John Stamos
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
