Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
