do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
