dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
