I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
