Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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