So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
