Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
