If that was your dad, he is hot
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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