she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
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