Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
