apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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