dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
