I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
