hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
