he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize