Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
