Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
