I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
