I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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