time to smoke my breakfast
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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