ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
