dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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