i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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