ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
