Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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