Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I'm lost and stupid without you.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize