Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
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