You're my little dorito
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
