we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
