he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
