sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
bring money and cleavage
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize