textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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