were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
