Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
