Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
