i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize
