my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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