No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
