We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
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