I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
She swung at the pinata with crutches
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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